decentralization consternation

national | consumer issues | opinion/analysis

Friday March 19, 2004 00:42

by John McDermott - R.F.F.P.(Remove Fianna Fail Party)

Ashtown,Dublin

Problems in store for Bertie, the great decentralizar

We are going to remain the most technologicaly backwords country in Europe.

And Bertie is hosting the E.U. Broadband Summit conference next month!

It only gets better!

People of Ireland unite!
You alone know what is right.!

The Irony just keeps on getting better,from that class act, ‘The Soldiers of Destiny Show’,premiered in Leinster House, and soon to be distributed nationwide.

The brand new act /press release from the infamous Martin ‘Cu’ Cullen,whose impressive list of titles include; ‘Minister for the Environment’; ‘Lord of the One off Rural House’; ‘Uncrowned King of the Mighty Hill Of Tara’ ;Greatest Leveller and Highway Builder since Caeser Augustus’-informs his subjects that He, and his Civil Servants are decamping for the pleasant pastures of Wexford,Waterford ,and Kilkenny.

Meanwhile back in the Pale,or nearby (Dundalk) the rest of his merry men will host an E.U. council meeting on the subject of Broadband within the confines of the ‘Greater Kingdom’of Europe.
Meanwhile however… an unruly Rebel Baron from I.B.E.C’s Telecommunications & Internet Federation(T.I.F.) has indicated that the current raft of stealth taxes on the business community as well as the domestic rubbish disposing housewife- will mean that broadband will be prohibitively expensive when eventually installed in Dublin-and may never happen in the rest of the country.!
But Bertie Ahern has assured us that due to new technology,video conferencing,etc the country wide ‘ cells’of cosy - if separated -Civil Servants will feel completely ‘at home’in their new rural retreats, such as Martin Cullens Constituency,and its environs.

If this Grand Decentralization Plan now falls back on such mundane communication methods as the antiquated P.O.T.S(plain old telephone service) or ‘Donkey Mail’(An Post) or a car travel expense bonanza for all isolated Civil Servants –will Bertie’s Boys be the laughing stock of Europe?
One must have some sympathy for the L.G.C.S.B.(Local Government Computer Services Board).
Poor Bertie can’t find a country home for these poor (frustrated) High Techies’ at all.
If it don’t work in Dublin …it sure won’t work in Castlebar!!