California uber Ah-nold

international | politics / elections | opinion/analysis Monday September 29, 2003 05:47 by berniebird berniejbird at yahoo dot ie

An IMC.ie’s lay-persons guide to what the f*$k is happening in the California State Governor Recall

The go-ahead has been given for Oct 7th, Arnold Schwarzenegger comes back out swinging. The hype has consumed media networks for months, almost to saturation, as increasingly outrageous and freaky candidates stepped in. But on September 24th aired the first major televised debate. Scores of millions of Americans were transfixed to their screens as the magic and comedy of U.S. politics unfolded before their unblinking eyes. The lines are drawn, the front-runners as follows…

1) Arnold Schwarzenegger, Republican, son of a Nazi, husband to a Kennedy, and new inductee to the school of trickle-down economics. Arnold is following a California state tradition of running tough-type leading-men for office. He is staunchly opposed to certain rights for illegal aliens (such as access to health care, schooling, and issuing of drivers licenses), perhaps forgetting that he himself is an immigrant. His politics were clearly defined in his self-financed 2001 movie “Collateral Damage” in which he supported the ‘Swordfish’ edict of counter-terrorism, “for every one American they kill, we’ll kill a hundred of them.”
2) Cruz Bustamante, Democrat, champion for California Latino population. This soft-spoken and affable intelligent fellow, “un hombre muy simpatico,” brims with calm and reason. He preaches tolerance in a region of stark apartheid, outlining the necessity of migrant/seasonal workers to the economy and the injustices of outlawing their livelihoods. He is protector of the rights of indigenous reservations and advocate of wider-based education. Yet behind his warm and rubbery smile lie perhaps the worst fears suspected by the states Anglo-Saxon minority. California Aryan activist, neo-nazi scumbag, Glenn Spencer, has become Bustamantes natural arch-enemy, loudly denouncing the politician as the main force behind the Movement for Aztlan. The emerging popular idea of ‘La Reconquista’ is of a new Latino-Mestizo-Indigenous nation seceding from the United States and reclaiming rights and land from the adventuring Anglos who invaded in the 1846-1848 war with Mexico. Aztlan encompasses Southern California, Arizona and New Mexico, and the concept is spreading with the Navajo and Zuni of the Four Corners region- it is a particularly popular movement among Mexican Nationalists. Republicans fear Bustamante will be the man to open up the Southern Border and start a revolution. Spencer continues to organize vigilante parties to apprehend mojado’s, “wetbacks”, crossing the frontier.
3) Ariana Huffinton, Independent, Libertarian favorite, hero to the anti-corporate crowd and most energetic and humorous of the lot. Huffington is bitingly critical of the Bush administration and the petro-chemical/motor industries that support it. Earlier this year she shocked the American public with her ad campaign stating “SUV’s support terrorism.” A Greek immigrant, her voice of reason pierces as a nasally whine, driving even supporters up the wall. She has defied critics of her apparent lifestyle hypocrisies with her wonderfully self-deprecating laughter. She is determined, focused, and marches bravely on, a brilliant ray of hope in an otherwise serious political world of white men in suits. Her somewhat radical, though sensible, proposals include taxing the yin-yang out of SUV drivers to cover the deficit and booting the Bush boys-club in the bollox.
4) Gray Davis, Democrat, as his name suggests, not so colorful as his contenders. Davis is the current governor, of course, and was not present at the debate, making a separate 30 minute address. A career politician of 40 years, old deputy to Jerry Brown, and the man Californians petitioned for to have recalled. Should Californians feel this recall election has been a waste of time and money to an already crucially overstretched state administration, they will vote against the recall and Davis will remain as governor to the end of his term. Afterall, as has been pointed out in his campaign of such limited budget, no blackouts or major disasters have befallen the state since he has taken office. Clearly he is the choice for the conservative Democrat- yet in that demographic runs the risk that on the day, with the giddiness of their one chance at political expression for the year, his supporters may be overcome with fickleness and tick the box for Gary Coleman instead… (what you talking about…?)…

Of the others at the table, the other Republican, Tom McClintock, and the Green, Peter Camejo, not much needs to be said (more white men in suits). The republican yielded the floor to the new boy star-attraction, Arnold the Republicanarian, with whom the party hopes to vamp its image. The Green is a feeble man, he talks politics, but it kind of becomes an annoying distraction to whatever Arnold is going to say next. The audience, whoever they were, interrupted with cheers and applause after particular gusts of strong vowels from the God-like movie star while the debate’s moderator pleaded restraint. Democracy, it looks like, boils down to a personality contest.
Schwarzenegger has been coached well, all the tricks of filibustering instilled into him and primed for his first debate- he picks the next most vociferous, Huffington, zones in and directs the wind that direction. Ariana bites back, personal jibes fly and the debate devolves into a shouting match- the piercing whine contending with the Germanic boom- both talking at once. “You ah a hahd wo-man, Ahwiana,” says Arnold, “I think I have a paaht foh you in Tehminatah Fouwah(4).” Laughs all around. Next, Arnold pokes Bustamante in the ribs, trying to get a stir, stating bluntly that he would discontinue tax-amnesties on reservation casinos. Bustamante, calm, answers, keeps his head low to the mic… let’s the actor act up.
The pre-circulated questions were presented by pre-recorded video of clean, multi-ethnic and professional citizens. The issues: balancing the budget, funding for schools, vehicle emissions and the usual bourgeois concerns. Issues NOT confronted include positions on the decision of numerous city and county councils in the state to oppose measures of the Patriot Act and the massive cost of border security falling to the state. Economics dominated much of the debate- who would the deficit fall to? Warren Buffet? Billionaire Buffet has joined Arnolds campaign as fiscal advisor, though it would make much more sense to bop him over the head and pay the state deficit with his fortune.
Of the other 130 candidates… California whackery. Since entering the race, video’s featuring porn queen Mary Carey have sold off the shelves, making the $5000 investment to join in well worth it…
Whatever you may think, if you’ve read this far you must have some interest… even though it doesn’t matter a drop to Irish people and really only demonstrates further the sham that is called democracy. I can update on election-day, if anyone cares…