Non-terrorists commit non-murder in Fallujah (again)

international | anti-war / imperialism | news report Friday October 08, 2004 19:56 by Nordie

News report on non-terrorism

Non-terrorists last night claimed responsibility for launching a missile strike at a wedding party in the troubled city of Fallujah, which is located in the liberated country of Iraq. Dr. Ahmed Saeed said his hospital in Fallujah received 13 dead, including the groom, and 17 wounded, including the bride. He said most of the injured were female relatives of the groom who were staying at the house after the wedding celebration. The dead also included a father and his six sons.

The non-terrorist organisation, known as the US Army, called a press conference to celebrate the non-murders (a spokesman joked ‘Hey, somebody may as well celebrate something about this wedding!’) and acknowledged they bombed the wedding party but said that the dead and injured couldn’t have been innocent civilians as their bombings are ‘surgical strikes’ which kill only ‘bad guys’. The spokesman, who was wearing a badge inscribed with the legend ‘They only hate us for our freedoms’, then, without a hint of irony, stated to journalists that the purpose of these ‘surgical’ strikes by the US Army against Iraqis is to battle ‘foreign fighters in the country’. When the non-terrorist was asked whether it would be considered terrorism if Al’Qaeda fired missiles into weddings in America he replied ‘Of course it would because terrorism is only terrorism when it’s directed against us or our allies. Now shut up before I liberate you too’. He then left the press conference early, reportedly in preparation for another bout of non-murdering which is expected to take place anytime now.

The non-murdering, non-terrorist commander-in-chief of the US Army has already told the world that Jesus makes him do it.