Americas finest news source' nostradamus beating predictions

A piece written just after bush took power in 2001

This peace was originally printed on-line on www.theonion.com on the 18th of january 2001
It's frightening how true it has proved to be. I don't think it's available on-line anymore but i've retyped it from a book "the onion, ad nauseum"

Bush: "Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over"

Washington DC, Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the eight years of Bill Clinton, president Elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over".
"My fellow Americans" Bush said, "At long last we have reached the end of the dark period of American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterised by unprecededened economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all that behind us"
Bush swore to do "everything in (his) power" to undo the damage wrought by Clintons two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of the hospitals and onto the streets.
During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war droubt that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one gulf war-level armed conflict in the next four years.
"You better believe we're gonna mix it up with somebody at some point in my administration" said Bush, who plans a 250 percent increase in military funding. "unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point in even having a military?"
On the economic side, Bush Vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implimenting substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further
Wall street responded strongly to the Bush speech, with the Dow Jones Industrial fluctuating wildly before closing at an 18 month low. The NAS-DAQ composite index, rattled by a gloomy outlook for tech stocks in 2001, also fell sharply, losing 4.4% of it'stotal value between 3pm and the closing bell.
Asked for comment about the cooling technology sector, Bush said,: "That's hardly my area of expertise."
Turning to the subject of the environment, Bush said he will do whatever it takes to undo the tremendous damage not one by the Clinton administration to the Artic National Wildlife Refuge. He assured citizens that he will follow through on his campaign promise to open up the 1.5 million acre refuge's coastal plain to oil Drilling. As a sign of his committment to bringing about a change in the environment, he pointed out his choice of Gale Norton for the Secretary of the Interior. Norton, Bush noted, has 'extensive experience' fighting environmental causes, working as a lobbyist for lead paint manufacturers and as an attorney for loggers and miners in addition to sueing the EPA to overturn clean-air standards.
Bush had equally high praise for Attorney general nominee, John Ashcroft, whom he praised as 'a tireless champion in the battle to protect womens rght to give birth'
Soon, with John Ashcroft's help, we will move out of the dark ages and into a more enlightened time when a woman will be free to think long and hard before trying to fight her way through throngs of protestors blocking her entrance to an abortion clinic" Bush said "We as a nation can look forward to lots and lots of babies"
Continued Bush "John Ashcroft will be invaluable in healing the terrible wedge Clinton drove between church and state"
The speech met with overwhelming approval from republican leaders.
"Finally, the horrific misrule of the Democrats has been brought to a close," House majority leader Dennis Hastert told reporters. "Under Bush, we can all look forward to military agression, deregulation of dangerous greedy industries and the defunding of vital domestic social-service programs upon which millions depend. Mercifully we can say goodbye to the awful nigtmare that was Clinton's America."
"for years I have tirelessly preached the message that Clinton must be stopped" conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh said, "and yet, in 1996 the American public failed to heed my urgent warnings, re-electing Clinton despite the fact that the nation was prosperous and at peace under his regime. But now, thank God, that's all done with. Once again, we will enjoy mounting debt, jingoism, nuclear paranoia, mass deficit and a massive military build-up."
An overwhelming 49.9% of americans responded enthusiastically to the Bush speech.
"After eight long years of relatively sane fiscal policy under the Democrats, we have reached a point where just a few weeks ago, President Clinton said that the national debt could be paid off by as early as 2012," Rahway, N.J. machinist and father of three Bud Crandall said "That's not the kind of world I want my children to grow up in."
"you have no idea what it's like to be Black and enfranchised" said Marlon Hastings, one of thousands of Miami-Dade County residents whose votes were not counted in the 2000 presidential election, "George W Bush understains the pain of enfranchisment, and ever since the election day, he has fought tirelessly to make sure it never happens to my people again."
Bush concluded his speech on a note of healing and redemption
"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two," Bush said "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between rich and poor may be wide, but there's much more widening left to do. We must squander our nations hard won budget surplus on tax breaks for the richest 15%. And on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it.."
"The insanity is over" Bush said, "After a long, dark night of peace and stability, the sun is finally rising again over America. We look forward to a brand new dawn, not seen since the glory days of my dad."